The Awakeining - 'Let It Go' mantra

6-10-2016

As I'm writing this note at 11:50 PM today, just  ten minutes before end of this date,  I think about a curious factor this date brings which most of us have never noticed. It's a palindrome  date which comes as rare in our life time. Ironically we never think about these rare factors as we are busy running behind our lives trying to achieve something that may or may not worth, but missing these curious factors around us. 'The art of moment creation' is the lesson I learnt from this thought. To say, this may be easy,  but it's not as easy as to implement in our daily life. The art of moment creation comes from spreading love and happiness around you. To do that you need to be happy and content with your life. Again, happiness is subjective. My happiness needn't be yours and vice versa. But an effort to make us happy everyday means a lot. One way we could achieve this is by learning to practice 'let it go' mantra. There are many things around us, little to large that make us disturbed. Some are thought provoking problems that need our eyes. Some others are not. The latter belongs to little things that we get disturbed with our lives, it could be an act from others, word, attitude, uncomfortable sayings, controversies and what not? But you have got an immense power to accept or reject it without taking these things to so close to you, rather letting these things go away from you. It sounds simple as I mentioned before
, but a powerful life tool to be happy within yourself.

#MoodSwing

To solve the mystery of tensions between different people in my 'self' is the greatest challenge I face today. As I complete writing this note, the other me was looking at my eyes, ain't these are fake words?? 

Refinement - A Reflection !

Since last few days, the word which I say quite often is ‘Refinement’. In the course of esoteric meaningful debates with my friends on life, existence and any other silly philosophical stuffs, I’ve always used this phrase. Today while taking a shower I thought, why I’m using this word so frequently? I’m using this word quite often these days as I’m undergoing the process of self refinement. Thanks to my introspective thoughts these days !

It’s quite fascinating when you start thinking about cohesion between your life and the word 'refinement'. Ever since we are born in this planet, various factors contributed to our rational thoughts, intellect behaviour and persona. Family, culture, religion, friends, social network, places lived are to name but a few. But when we start observing our life and ourselves, we tend to deviate from groundings what we learned from these factors, challenging them to correct themselves. It’s getting bit complicated. Isn't? Let’s make it plain and simple. I would like to see those factors which laid foundation for our existence, but growth is something what we think and decide. We behave in accordance to our self esteemed thoughts and if thoughts are not of quality, we tend to travel in wrong direction which is fine if you realise and start thinking about refining your thoughts, working towards achieving those. I started refining my thoughts these days which give me greater impact in my personal and professional life. Noting down few mantras which I narrow down as part of self refinement.

1)   Do It Now  'Sometimes Later becomes Never'
2)   Be Wise, Rise Early
3)   Meditate to Plan Your Day
4)   Speak Your Truth
5)   Just Be Nice
6)   Do What You Love, Love What You Do
7)   Learn To Master Your Mind
8)   Listen Twice As Much As You Speak
9)   Be Breathtakingly Humble
10)  Learn More To Earn More
11)  Spend Wisely
12)  Do Not Give Up 'Grace under pressure'
13)  Learn To Say No
14)  Value Good Things In Life
15)  Do Not Complain, But Action
16)  Ego Zero For Right Attitude
17)  Read Daily 'Become an inspirational human being'
18)  Write Notes, Life is a Blog


Most of these thoughts are inspired from Robin Sharma & his 'Greatness Guide' series. As soon as the brooding meditative thoughts start dominating me, I shall break down these aspects extensively .. :)

The Outsider

It was late misty night. That isolated house had few tungsten lights inside the rooms. Dark shaded walls had blurry paintings all around. A radio was playing jazz. He was in a corner of room, scared and uttering unclear words. His lips were shivering, trying to speak and sensing someone’s presence in that house. He has stayed in that house for a long time. Feel of unknown presence made him not able to survive shivering sensation. Those tungsten lights were intermittently fading off.  He was looking at the next room to find out someone’s presence. He knew someone in that room is looking for him. He has no time to escape. He wanted to fly towards the main door and ran outside. But he can get followed in dark. Outside world is not safe though. The corner room has a good lock, doors are heavy, unbreakable.  He decided to get inside that room. Once it’s locked he will not get caught by anybody. Safe and secured. But it’s not easy to reach that room passing the hall and room next to him. He squeezed behind the table, crawling down the floor. Suddenly the flower-pot kept on his right hand side of the table fell down scattering all around the floor. He threw himself off from the corner to midway of the room.

That room was even darker. Disarranged bed, partly broken walls and an old white PC box on a table. Books were scattered in the floor. He rushed towards the wall side, fled his hands in the air trying to beat something which was fast approaching to him. He continued with his wild gestures, hit the wall, screamed & cried. Suddenly the clock hung from the wall fell down and slashed into pieces. A cat prowls outside the windows with a weird cry. He ran towards the bed and sheltered under it covering his face completely. He slowly twisted his fingers from covering the face; his eyes were searching for someone. He suddenly felt the presence of someone who was lying beside him. He turned away from the bed and rushed towards the door to open.

A complete black out!

He saw a hand coming towards him from the door, clutched his neck and pushed him back. He was not able to free from those clenches. He got thrown out by that force and went straight his head hitting the wall. He grunted in loud noise, trembled with fear and pain. He closed his eyes, with more soreness, agony and distress he slewed through the wall. There was an iron pin grounded on the wall. Blood shredded throughout the wall, turning out the iron pin dark red.  He lied down the floor, his left hand was shivering heavily and stopped after a while but still… his right hand was holding his neck.

-- Last few minutes of a man who was affected by Eisoptrophobia and Alien Hand syndrome.

Eisoptrophobia: Fear of your own reflection

Alien Hand syndrome: Neurological disorder that causes hand movement without being aware

My Saga of Love

It was my first day in college!

“Narayanaguru college of Engineering”. A building cluster at the top of the hill. Quite far from Nagercovil city, TamilNadu.

The white letters scribbled in grey board, made me to realise that I had reached the college for my first day. It took nearly 1.5 hours to reach the college from my home. All way around, I was thinking many times, how I

got admission to this college? Do I really deserve this? No, but... But you can’t help yourself. Sometime, we humans are overruled by certain emotions and somehow we may call it as FATE!

My Dream….!!

Masters degree in Mass Communication &; Media Entertainment followed by an entry towards Creative Journalism &; Movie Making! Gone dud..Somewhere it went wrong. Let me call it as FATE, just for my sake!

On my way to college, I again recollected my dreams. One day will come, when this world will recognise me as a reputed film maker. People around me will criticise me for my movie subject.. Long way discussions, debates, craftsmanship and finally the finest movie! Eah..Will make it one da.. I always love to have this, dream!

By the time I reached my college, I had seen this dream 4-5 times.

I went to the corridor. It was raining outside. Hundreds of people were sitting with their relevant certificates at the corridor. I could not find a place to sit anywhere; moreover I was really fed up after seeing such a big crowd.Still,l my dream was haunting m.. I went to the window. The rain was bashing after a gap of 4 months. An autorikshwa had entered the college gate &; stopped at the reception, just a hundred feet in front of me! I stared atrickshaww for no reasons. After few seconds, I could see one umbrella opening from the back seat. It was a beautiful hand. I wish, it would be a girl &; I did not miss it. She looked gorgeous in red churidar, with a wet bottom. She slowly tried opening her umbrella, but hardly she could make it. I saw the uneasiness in her eyes. Somehow, after managing to open the umbrella she stepped down from the rikshshaw. I looked at her beautiful legs &; leather footwear! I can’t stop gazing at her. Suddenly I felt the fragrance of lilies all around my self. It was coming from her. She slowly entered the corridor &; closed her umbrella. I saw few rain drops below her ears eagerly waiting to fall &; I was waiting for ….

Me era... That’s her name. I could easily pay attention when the peon called the names of all the people while categorising the branch. She was also there in Computer Science class room sitting 5 rows in front of me. Oops, I was sitting at the back row. That sounds better!

Those days were beautiful. I got many friends. We started enjoying our college days. But the strong desire for her in my heart always made me to worry at some point of time. Should I open my heart to her? Or should I stay away from her for some more time? Emotions made me to write a story on her. I completed &; named it ‘A Heartbeat for an unknown Love’. I copied this name from a third rate romantic English novel. I scribbled all those moments when I saw her for the first time. I marked my feel for her when I saw her for the first time. But my story became famous among my friends, only because they had never ever seen such a pathetic one! Very soon my heroine became famous among my friends!

Everyone asked, 'Hey tell me who is she?'. But I controlled myself. I eagerly waited for her to ask. But it did not happen even after long six months.

Time went by…

I remember, It was on February 14th, Valentines Day!

My college was completely drowned on that day with the beautiful melodies of love. I saw this eternity everywhere in the campus. I was so embarrassed that I am seeing this festival so beautiful for the first time.

'Hey… What are you looking at?'

My embarrassment reached to hype, when I saw the vendor of that query.

'Hey Me era…. How are you? Why you here? I mean… I mean…. Why you in middle of this crowd who celebrates Valentines Day?!' I asked.

'Why not me, Arun? Why can’t I be here? &; what’s wrong in this celebration?' - I got confused.

'Love is a beautiful piece of saga in the world. Not everyone knows it… Not every one realises it… Those who knows &; realise it… They are lucky enough!! Dude… She must be yours only. Look at her perception about

the most beautiful piece of music in this world.

'Arun, why are you waiting'? – She looked at me confused.

Man, you wont get any more moment suitable than this. Open… Open your mouth &; tell her you love her

lot… somebody was telling to me.

I realised,- 'Yes… Why I need to wait? This might be the right time. Some times you may miss very beautiful things in your life, just because you were not there at the right time &; right place!!'

This is your right time. This is your right place..!!

'Hey Arun, What are you thinking? I doubt, you have someone for this day!!' - She told me with a smile.

'Me era, I would like to tell you something.'

'Hey, Why so formal? Its ok yaa.. Tell me. At least I should know who that lucky chap is?' She was excited.

'Me era…' I whispered!

'Yes Arun, tell me.' She told.

'Me era…' that sounded more audible!

'C’mon Arun, Why you are so shy?Its’ ok... tell me now' She smiled at me.

I could not control myself after seeing that smile.

'Me era…Me eraa, Its you only!! My saga… My saga of love!! I love you so much!' I got a power to express myself !

She did not say anything… She looked at my eyes. I found some feel at her look. But it was a vulnerable emotion, I saw. She started crying. II felt so bad that I could not even take my eyes from her. But I was helpless. I did not say anything, rather waited her to respond.

'You know Arun, I see this world so cruel. If a girl talks to a guy, he thinks that she is in deep love with him.

But I won’t blame you. You are frank! &; I Liked it..

'Hey man, what is this?.. Does she really mean it? - I asked myself!

' Arun, there are not many people in this word who are so much open. You are one among them. But I don’t have any answer to your question. I feel, this has to be decided once if everything comes fine. If my parents

agree this relationship, then I don’t have any concerns. I would suggest you to get a fair good job after 4 years &; come to my home! Everything will be ok by the time. Till the time we are just friends'

'Dude. You have succeeded! Why did you hide this feeling for past few months? You could have told this to her early itself! Anyways, now everything is fine! You have the right thing on your hand. ‘Luck’!

'Me era… I understand what you told. Now I have got one aim in my life! Certainly I will come to your home after getting a fair good job!. I will try for it with my full mind-set … thanksMe eraa… Thanks a loot!'

I felt, I was at top of the world.

Yeah. ! Some iliyaraja music started playing in my mind!! (Varanamayiram ))

I reached my hostel room, took my Engineering Mechanics text &; went to the study room. Room was empty.

Nobody was there except some newspapers &; magazines. I found one place very near to the corner so to get my concentration on Mechanics.

'Its not a game dude. Work hard! Now you have the aim &; attitude! Showcase it, explore &; success will be yours'.

For the first time in my life, I felt the power of self encouragement!

I opened my text. Engineering Mechanics… UNIT 1!!

I did not lose my strength to see me as a succeeding champ!! Even the hard coded formulas in theory of propeller motions became a gentle bizarre for my love…

Weeks went by. !!

'Hey Arun, You started to become the class topper? I saw you for the past two weeks at this place studying.

Good man! Keep going…' It was Albert, my friend.

'Hey nothing yaar. Actually what happened ?

“Arun, there are not many people in this word who are so much open. You are one among them. But I don’t have any answer to your question. I feel, this has to be decided once if everything comes fine. If my parents agree this relationship, then I don’t have any concerns. I would suggest you to get a fair good job after 4 years &; come to my home! Everything will be ok by the time.”.

I floated through her words. !

'Wow!!!! Awesome dude! Congrats. I know Me era is a nice girl. Keep this spirit on…. You will get her for sure!', Albert supported

That added some extra strength to my aim &; attitude.

I felt my dream will come true very soon….

Two months passed….

Now I have to reach the study room so early. It is very rushed nowadays… Many guys are there consuming my favourite place to study.

Keeping this in mind, I went to the study room. I almost covered 2 units from each subjects. I was referring to Thermodynamics on that day.

'Hey Vino, you are so regular in study room now… what happened? Trying to score good marks?', it was again Albert.

Vino is a common friend of mine &; Albert.

'Hey nothing yaar. Actually what happened was...'

“Vino, there are not many people in this word who are so much open. You are one among them. But I don’t have any answer to your question. I feel, this has to be decided once if everything comes fine. If my parents

agree this relationship, then I don’t have any concerns. I would suggest you to get a fair good job after 4 years &; come to my home! Everything will be ok by the time. Till the time we are just friends”…….

Vino floated through her words...

Albert looked at me… He was about to laugh, but he was quite good at controlling his emotions! Where I miserably failed….

I did not say anything... I turned back those pages I have covered for past few days !!

The pages went away from me keeping an echo all over the study room for next 4 years…

'Kishore, There are not many people in this……'

'Praveen, There are not many people in this……'

'Vibin, There are not many people in this…………'

'Sreejith, There are not many people in this…………….

Yeah. Saga of my love begins here…………!!

When the seasons change…

Those flights of steps, seems like cards arranged one after the other appears to be bit blurred in early morning. The steps were laid with autumn leaves fallen, unnoticed…unseen. The faded leaves fallen in those steps brings a feel of childhood memories. Won’t they? Yes, every single leaf has its own memories, which never fade from their life and it’s… Childhood!

A cute little one-year-old kid stepped down on top of the leaf… with an innocent, sweet smile on his face. His little finger was tightly gripped by his dad’s hand. They were walking down the steps sedately, cautiously. His eyes were as excited as he was learning to walk down the steps first time in his life.  As he completes one step down, he slowly looked at his dad’s face curiously, a bit scared…… Yes, he has to make his move next step down, with that fear in his eyes, though he is excited. His dad smiled at him, and tightens the grip on his little finger. He slowly looked down and moved his next step, so cautiously and gently. As soon as he landed down the next step, his eyes filled with innocent joyfulness. It was like ‘I did it’ feel for him. Once again he looked at his dad’s face; his smile was still there... It was the first lesson in kid’s life about love, comfort, confidence, assurance and safety.

They moved each steps forward and walked away...

A gentle breeze with care and love, many more lessons in his life. Taught him how to see the life, how beautiful is it? How to grow up as a human being… how to gain success and many more…

Everything... everything he learnt from his dad and mom.

Those flights of steps, seems like cards arranged one after the other. The faded leaves fallen in those steps brings a feel of memories, but those were… painful!

They were walking down the steps… dad’s hand is tightly gripped with a solid and stiffen walking stick in place of those cute little fingers. He was trying to walk down the steps with that tough walking stick. But it was not easy as he walked long years ago.

As he was slowly steeping each step down, his son went far ahead from him. He was walking away where his dad was trying hard to put his next step down.

They shall grow not old, an adorable relief with care… hold their hands together, take them for a walk…show them forgiving flowers, feel them lenient love, make them listen to melodious music,  whisper their ears, Thank you for my life…. I care for you and will be with you forever in your life!

‘Old age Homes’ The palace of kindness... But say, Never Ever!

“I'm eighty-three and homeless. It was the same when World War II ended. The Army kept me on because I could type, so I was typing other people's discharges and stuff. And my feeling was “Please, I've done everything I was supposed to do. Can I go home now?” That what I feel right now. I've written books. Lots of them. Please, I've done everything I'm supposed to do. Can I go home now? I've wondered where home is. It's when I was in Indianapolis when I was nine years old. Had a dog, a cat, a brother, a sister.”

KURT VONNEGUT, JR., Rolling Stone, Aug. 24, 2006

The Day After 1.6 Years

40…45...55….60……

Car was dashing though the highway. Time was around 07:30 AM. I felt really uncomfortable, fortified the steering once again. Finally, the day has come for me! Today I am visiting my would-be's house for the first time along with my parents and sister. After the long 1.6 years of celebrated love, our affair is finally going to be established with higher authorities! It would be like a small appraisal performance meeting eyh? Oh! Can’t imagine! I was really happy for the December Mist which I had in my life. The day when I saw her for the first time! After that, 1.6 years span of our love. Thank God for everything! I hard-pressed steering again.

Don’t know. Am I bit uncomfortable today? Of course No! Never! But something is haunting me. I had started the preparation one week prior. As a prologue I went to saloon to level my hair. I gave 8/10 compliment for the barber for his ability to read my mind. He has almost crafted my hair like how I wished it could be. Awesome :) Whatsoever we say these guys do exactly opposite and at the end they ask us, how is it??

Next step was to expertise my face to look like a hero. Hehe… I started off with my scar below the nose. No way man! You can’t do anything on it. It’s been long 8 years since it has appeared in your face. It was just a failure. I realised, I could not do anything on it. Doesn't matter! Remaining portions of my face is there for me to build a small Taj Mahal. I started my battle and looked at the shelf. Himalaya Face Wash, Denim hair gel, Gillette shaving cream (which is of no use), Cinthol perfume… I have been using Himalaya Face Wash since last two months to make my face shining and more beautiful. This is the secrete only Anoop knows. I could not hide this from him since he was staying with me. Then I started controlling my diet to some extent. A hard cord non-vegetarian has turned to be pure vegetarian at least for two days. It is only because of my pimples in my face. Later, I visited Indigo Nation hops with Arun and Manish just to catch up some new trends which ended in a great disaster! But finally the day before I leave to her house I could realise that everything was of no-use! But sometimes even these matters in everyone’s life! At least for one day. May is this has made me uncomfortable on that day!!

When the car reached a place called Kottarakkara, my dad told to everyone 'We can have breakfast from here. It’s already 09:30!'. We all went to a small restaurant which has the name board ''Potties Meals''. After having my breakfast I decided to go to loo to let me more free. I could see a small wash room over there. After a long relief I pull out my zip in pants. Oh!! Shit! Gone ………. Terribly Gone!! My pants zip got spoiled. I could not close it!! Oh!! Thanks to Indigo Nation and New trends. I was really lost. Only 12 km from there to reach her house. And dad is in hurry to visit there. What shall I do now? Should I give this to any tailoring shop to make it ok? But what will I wear in mean time? How can I find a tailoring shop there? What? How? Why? When? All the well known questioners in English language were flashing though my mind! Finally, I decided to get out from my pants. I tried my best to make the zip good enough by pulling it up and down! After a long struggle I could make it fine. Oh! Finally,…… I came out from toilet. My parents and sister were wondering outside. What this guy was doing for these long times? We reached her house by 10:15. I have already decided before that I should not speak anything in her house. This was part of my exercise to add some maturity to my character. All became so close very soon. It was like a happy occasion. I could see her sitting beside my mom and her mom. It seems like she is the only lady in this world after Florence Nightingale! Nobody was giving attention to me. What is this dude? I asked myself. Her dad and my dad along with her relatives were talking some current affairs! I opened one magazine. Though I was reading it, I was really conscious about what other people were talking about me. Nobody spoke about me! This is really pathetic man! I am the centre of contact and nobody is caring me? Cheh! I decided to speak. I recapped the things which I learnt yesterday from Quiz Master magazine. Capital city of Chhattisgarh - Bhilai. Chief Minister of Chhattisgarh - Raman Singh. Ruling party of Chhattisgarh - BJP. Great!! I have passed… I could remember everything. Now I have to wait for the right time so that I can deliver my knowledge in front of all. But. But no one was even looking at me! How can I then? I started looking eagerly at all the faces including my dad. If I get a slight chance then I can tell them. Suddenly I saw her dad looking at me for just a glance and he smiled at me. I did not wait for any time.' Raman Singh is the Chief Minister of Chhattisgarh 'right? – I never spoke there since last few times and suddenly all of a hurry my sound was bitten loud! Every one became so silent soon! Even the ladies sitting in the dining table looked at me as if I had made a blunder!“Is he the chief minister?' I asked myself my recapping yesterday’s book! Yes… He is …. Her dad responded, 'Yes… He is a good democrat! 'I was so happy that my answer was widely accepted. It was a good start for me then… We all discussed many things together. Later we had a tasty lunch which kept all each other so closer. Again I felt like going toilet after that delicious lunch… NO!! Don’t GO!!

I remembered everything I did on morning inside the toilet. But I have to control now!

Dude, What a pain… Great suffering and hardship!

Suddenly like a mind reader her Dad asked 'Toilet is on right side, if you need you can go.'. Had he seen any emotions in my face? But I had a reply on very next time.' Hey ... No uncle. It’s ok!! I can manage……. I am fine! 'But something was eagerly waiting to burst out from myself!! Was it my vulnerable emotions or …. ?